


The Message

by Sherloqued



Category: Brokeback Mountain (2005)
Genre: M/M, Past Relationship(s), Rediscovery, Reunions, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-16 08:17:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8094769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherloqued/pseuds/Sherloqued
Summary: Ennis reunites with the one he's always loved,  many years later.





	1. Secret Love

 

The message came many years later, and not in the form of postcards as they always had, postcards that had remained unanswered until they eventually stopped coming, but electronically.  Words lighting up pixels on the screen of a computer that his daughters, grown now and living in different parts of the country, insisted that he get to keep up with the times and to keep in touch, although he hadn't been interested in it much, not at first, hadn't much use for it.

 

* * *

 

Folks plugged into laptop computers in them new Montana coffeeshops that were springin' up all over town, trance-like, or with cell phones seemingly permanently affixed to their ears, usually would annoy him as they tried to do two and three things at once, texting and otherwise engaged, anything but to be in the here and now.    Now, he was thankful for it all.  
  
It had ended badly between them back then; with harsh words and bitterness, determination by Ennis, and then finally with a reluctant acceptance by the other man, a resignation, which now left Ennis with guilt and regret about things that he wished he had done differently.  
  
It had been a life that had turned out . . . rather predictably, and if he had listened, anyone could have told him that it would have, including his own heart.  But that was the way he had wanted it.   A life like everyone else's, to which he felt he was entitled and deserved.  
  
But it had a way of making itself known at the most inconvenient times; like when he was trying to be intimate with his wife, or lying, still awake, beside her as she lay sleeping, or in private moments alone by himself, and in dreams, and it confused and angered him that he couldn't just leave what had happened in the past, in the past where it belonged.   Ennis should have known that eventually he would feel this way.  
  
He would have told Ennis that there were some things in this life that just didn't go according to plan.

 

* * *

 

With the message, the old memories came flooding back, the decades fell away - as if he had been given a second chance at something interrupted, one which he knew he didn't deserve, but gratefully accepted nonetheless.    For years he had wondered, in quiet moments, wondered if he was alive and well, how his life had turned out, what might have been.    The message was different this time because he responded back.  
  
He glanced up from the television as he lay on the couch, looking over at his wife Alma, who was sitting across from him in the armchair knitting, when she idly mentioned plans for next Saturday evening.   Something about a church social, he wasn't sure, as he found he was distracted by thoughts of the message.  
  
Ennis gave his usual obligatory reply in answer to her.  She had been the model wife; had given him his two beautiful daughters, and didn't deserve what he feared may be about to unravel.   He fell asleep on the couch in front of the television that night.

 

Whitefish, Montana Train Depot - Winter   
  
When they finally met again, Jack looked at Ennis with soft eyes, as if he had been wounded, but with still forgiving eyes, and gripped him in a tight embrace that seemed to last many long minutes, kissing his cheek two, three times, with more passion than was allowed between two men in a public place back then, kisses that promised of so much more.  

 _"_ Sonofabitch."  
  
"Took yer sweet time gettin' here, di'n't ya."  
  
"Yeah, it's been a while."   
  
"All this time and I still ain't found nobody else."   
  
"Why didn't we do this sooner."  
  
In Jack's embrace, Ennis closed his eyes, was vaguely aware of the announcements of trains arriving and departing, and people hurrying and coming and going around them, and all of it second to the feel of Jack's rough cheek, and the warmth of his body through his coat.  
  
_Jack, I swear_.


	2. Hungry Heart

After dropping Ennis' suitcase off at Jack's car and before checking in at his hotel, they walked the short distance to the Hungry Horse Bar & Grill for lunch - a nice place, white table-cloth, but with a comfortable atmosphere, and they were seated upstairs at a quiet, cozy table so that they could talk freely and catch up. They ordered drinks. Jack looked good; wearing a open-necked white shirt with a navy blue blazer, nice watch, crisp, slim jeans and cowboy boots. Jack’s dark hair was nearly as thick, only now with a lot more silver in it, and it made his eyes even bluer than Ennis had remembered.

In fact, Ennis preferred Jack this way, the lines and slight traces of age making him even more attractive, the signs of Jack’s life having been lived making him even more interesting. But he knew he’d take him any way he could get him. And as Jack continued to speak, it seemed like it was just yesterday that they’d spent that summer up on Brokeback together, discovering each other. But Ennis had to keep reminding himself that a lot of years had passed since then. Jack most likely was with someone else now, and surely must have had a few lovers in his history.

"So . . ." Ennis began, a big smile on his face. Seems he couldn’t stop smiling, ever since he arrived.

"Whatcha been doin’? Seems like you’ve done pretty well for yourself."

"Yep."  Jack said.  "Got in on the ground floor of the housing boom out here."

There was a link and contact info for Jack's real estate development firm in his email, and Ennis had done a little checkin' himself, clicked on the link.  Seemed Jack wasn't above a little crowin' about how well he was doin'.  _And rightly so_ , Ennis thought, chuckling to himself.  Rightly so. 

Not that Jack’s becoming such a successful businessman would have made any difference at all to Ennis; he would have come running even if Jack had nothin', maybe even especially then.

Ennis found he was the complete opposite of his usual reserved self, bein’ with Jack again; with Jack being far more quiet, perhaps even a bit wary.  _Understandable_ , Ennis supposed.

 

* * *

"How've you been, Ennis."

"Can't complain, I guess."

Jack looked across at Ennis in amazement; he still looked good, the weather of the years had been kind to him, only making him look better; a slightly receding hairline and a touch of snow at his temples only made his rugged face even more handsome. He found himself wondering why Ennis had finally decided to answer him after all these years. Was everything alright with him, did he need anything, had he hit a rough spell, was down on his luck and needed money? He should know that Jack would be there for an old friend and help him any time he needed; Ennis had meant a lot to him and had been such an important part of his life - once. He was still working as the ranch foreman over at Stoutamire’s he’d said, had been there for years and appeared to have some stability in his life now.

Old Man Stoutamire had passed away early last year, Ennis had told him, and Jack was sorry to hear it. His two sons were runnin' the place now; and according to Ennis, not nearly as well as their father had, but it was nothing that a little experience wouldn't improve, he was sure.

"Well, it's good they still have you there, then." Jack said. "I'm sure they must appreciate that."

Jack smiled; it had been a long time since he'd heard some of the old names and places. Jack’s career had taken off, but that was about the only thing in his life that had; his personal life and relationships had been anything but successful.  Instead, he'd thrown himself into his work, after he'd finished college.  He was glad he had ordered that drink after all.  Seemed Ennis could still shake him up, without realizing it, even after all this time.

What did Ennis want, and more to the point, what did Jack himself want from all of this?  Was it to start up their past relationship again?  Jack didn’t know whether or not he wanted to get into that again. Hell yes he did; it had been on his mind the entire drive to the train depot. It had shattered his young heart to the core when Ennis had ended their relationship back then, saying that he was marryin’ someone, and being with him again stirred up all kinds of emotions and memories, both the beautiful and the painful, making him feel both the warmth of old feelings and the hurt of being left for someone else, the loss of trust, and Jack didn’t know if he could go back again. In time he'd managed to accept it, over the years had other relationships, even a couple of important ones, and maybe some would think it foolish now, but he had truly never forgotten about Ennis. But still and all, if he had to choose, he’d want Ennis in his life in some way.

 

* * *

 

Ennis hadn’t even thought that far ahead, or wasn’t yet ready to admit it to himself, if he still wanted a relationship with Jack, he had just wanted to see him again. He had no expectations. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy on Jack, this seein' each other again.  On either one of them, for that matter.  It was best to take it slow for now, see how things worked out, build up trust again.  At the very least, they’d have each other’s friendship.  The years had turned his thinkin' around.  Ennis had considered all of all these things carefully on the train to Whitefish.

Ennis began to tell Jack about his daughters, then about his separation from Alma.  She’d filed, the divorce was in progress.  Hell, he’d take the blame.  Alma was a wonderful woman, had been a great friend to him over the years too, they’d practically grown up together back in Riverton.  He'd gotten himself an apartment.

"She finally got fed up w’me, I guess." Ennis continued, chuckling wryly.  "How 'bout you?"

"I never married Ennis." Jack said. The words sounded hollow to him as he said them. _You and Alma, that's a life_ , he thought, but kept it to himself.

"Your folks still up in Lightnin’ Flat?"

"Yep. The old man had a mild heart attack ‘bout five years ago, but other than that, they're still doin’ okay."

"I’m sorry to hear that."

"I get out there as often as I can ta see ‘em and check up on things."

Ennis looked concerned. They talked some more, over coffee, about the beauty of Glacier Park and Jack's vacations there and how they should visit it together sometime, places they'd been and the place where their lives had intersected years ago, that Ennis was here for eight days, and then Ennis took out his new iPhone and scrolled through with Jack the photos of his two daughters; Alma Jr., married now and who had a child of her own, a baby boy, his new grandson, and Jenny just out of college.

"Who says ya can't teach an old dog new tricks." Ennis joked, referring to his iPhone expertise.

"I hear ya." Jack said, laughing. The next thing they knew, more than two hours had passed, but it felt like no time at all had gone by since they'd last seen each other, they fell so easily into bein' together again.  When the check arrived, Ennis moved to reach for his wallet, but Jack shook his head, and waived him off.

"No Ennis, let me." he gently said, placing his hand over Ennis'.  Jack put on his eyeglasses, looking very dignified as he reviewed the check.

"I only need ‘em for readin’." he informed Ennis matter-of-factly, then winked, and Ennis just laughed.  _That’s what they all say._

 

* * *

 

Ennis had made reservations at a reasonably priced hotel in town, so as not to be a burden on Jack, but Jack wasn't having that either. He hadn't mentioned it to Ennis yet, but Jack had plenty of room since Paul had moved out months ago, and he was in no hurry to find anyone else to take his place.

"You know you’re always welcome to stay with me, Ennis." he had insisted, so Ennis cancelled his reservation, and he and Jack drove to Jack’s place, outside of Kalispell.  And days later, when the inevitable happened, and he fell into the touch of Jack's hands and the feel of his mouth on him again, Ennis found that he’d been given a new sexual lease on life, despite his nearing fifty years old.

"Be with me again." Jack had whispered to him, close to him, and Ennis found that he couldn't help himself.

"Ah, Jesus, Jack." 

There was just something about Jack that always did it for him. Jack always did know how to do him right, too. Jack's body was still wonderfully strong and fit for his age, and Ennis’ physical work kept him in pretty good shape too, and Jack's response made it pretty clear that Ennis looked just as good to him.

"I miss ya, Jack." Ennis said.

Just what were they going to do now.


	3. A Lot to Laugh, A Train to Cry

They lay in bed together, the early morning winter light streaming in through Jack’s bedroom windows.  Ennis knew it would be cold outside, and for once, was in no hurry to get out of bed. He’d have to be gettin’ back to Riverton in a couple days, and the empty little trailer apartment he was livin’ at out at the Stoutamire ranch.  He didn't have to be at work; and he could check his messages later. Not that he had expected any great emergencies.  He had plenty of time.

He had received Jack’s postcards, back then; and although it was difficult to do, he had decided to end all contact with him and not respond, thinking it best for everyone at the time.  He’d made his decision, a commitment to Alma and once she became pregnant, then the needs of their growing family came first, and it wouldn’t have been fair to Jack either. He couldn’t live like that, live a double life.  It was the honorable thing to do, he’d convinced himself.  They’d said all that needed to be said about it before they came down from the mountain.

"I can see you've made your mind up." Jack had said, trying hard not to show how disappointed he was. He'd gotten into his truck and drove away, heart and pride bruised, Ennis still visible in the truck's side-view mirror, when he looked back.

But underlying that, he did now know that he had been afraid of a relationship with Jack.  It had been wrong, it had been selfish, and it had been cruel, but by some miracle Jack had managed to understand and forgive him.

And now, warmed by nostalgia, the feelings had come back to them full-force, and they had ended up having sex again.  It had been a unique and beautiful experience; reaching for protection with the excited trepidation and uncertainty of new lovers, yet with the comfort and familiarity of old lovers, and it was one that Ennis didn’t think could ever be duplicated.  He considered himself a lucky man to be able to maybe have this second chance.  Jack stirred under the blankets next to him.

"Damn.  It’s a crime, Jack, you still lookin’ so good after all these years." Ennis whispered to Jack, teasing him. "Must be doin' somethin' right.  All that good livin', I'd guess."

"Want some coffee?  I'll get up and put some on." Jack mumbled into the pillows, Ennis sensing a smile from him.  Jack sleepily said something about wishing he had set up the coffee maker on the automatic timer the night before, but somehow Ennis wasn't thinkin' about coffee.

"Not just yet." Ennis answered, running his fingers over Jack’s chest, and through his chest hair as Jack turned to face him.

 

* * *

 

Jack remembered when he’d first started dating Paul, and they had the ‘previous relationships’ discussion when it came up, and he’d told him about Ennis.  Because he wanted to. 

He remembered that Paul had reached over and squeezed his shoulder, saying, ‘if it helps at all, you’re not the only one whose ever gone through that, you know’.  Jack wasn’t sure if it made him feel better or not, at the time.  Paul Harmon, blond, slim and easy-going of nature, had been one of the important ones, but the relationship ultimately had settled into a comfortable friendship.

Jack’s relationships usually took that familiar road; white-hot intensity in the beginning, and when that inevitably would settle down, Jack would slowly back away, and decide that he needed to be on his own again, citing work demands and a need for space, leaving one questioning just where it was they had gone wrong.  So it was just as well not many made it to the living-together stage with Jack. Stealing his heart was easy; keeping it long-term, not so much. With Jack, it was always something that seemed to be temporarily on loan, and you got the impression he would expect it returned to him at some point. Perhaps it was because it really belonged to someone else all along.


	4. A Sweeter Life

It was with a sense of peace and acceptance that Ennis realized just what a mistake he had made back then, as he boarded the train to leave. He'd said his goodbyes to Jack, but he'd be seeing him again; he had invited Jack to visit him in Riverton. Ennis had always pushed back thoughts of Jack and his desire for the touch of a man. Whether by his own hand or the one other encounter he’d had - it wasn’t Jack. It was just release - there wasn’t Jack’s warmth, Jack’s response, or the feeling of sharing something with another. Eventually, those feelings had just shut down for him.  As the train pulled out of the station for home, he did not resist this time.

Riverton 

"Well, this is it. Home sweet home, for the time bein’." Ennis said with a sweep of his arm, inviting Jack to sit in one of the sagging chairs in his modular trailer. Ennis didn’t have much in the way of furniture; it was spare, but it was neat and clean.  A lone coffee cup stood overturned in the dish drainer at the sink. _If you ain’t got nuthin’, you don’t need nuthin’_ , Jack remembered Ennis once saying.  Memories were coming back to him, small things, clear as day.

He sat down, smiling. It was Ennis’ place and he loved it, no matter what it was like.

"Jesus, never could seem to get out from under all the bills, just about keep up, keep my head above water.  You must forget what it’s like bein’ broke all the time."

"No, Ennis." Jack said. It was something that you never forgot, if you didn’t start out with much.

"Drink?" Ennis asked, opening the refrigerator door.  "Beer or wine?"

"Sure.  Wine's good." Jack said, thoughtfully going through Ennis' music collection, appearing to be studying the titles but carefully considering his thoughts and what to say as Ennis took out an opened bottle of wine, and poured some into two short tumblers.

"I respect all you’ve done, you and Alma, all the work that went into raisin’ your two girls and puttin’ ‘em through college ‘n all.  It’s a lot, Ennis. Somethin’ to be proud of." Jack had never done that.  It couldn’t have been easy on a ranch foreman’s salary either.

"S’pose so." Ennis chuckled, allowing himself a small measure of pride.

 

* * *

 

Jack had learned something from all of his relationships. Paul, who had been an environmental biologist, brought him back in touch with his love of the natural world, and so he had made it his business to be involved in environmentally sound, responsible property development and management in this beautiful place that he now called home. Paul was a city boy, from back East, who, as is sometimes the case, fell in love with the natural and unspoiled beauty of the place, that was so different from what he had always known, and decided to stay. 

But with all them, he had never forgotten about Ennis.  Skinny and wiry Ennis was the bringer of the most important of his life’s lessons.  Ennis was his link to his roots and to his past, a past that he never lost love for, no matter how his life had changed or how sophisticated his life had become since then.  Ennis had come to him at a critical time of self-discovery in his young life, and throughout their rough-and-tumble time on the mountain growin' up with each other.  He felt his heart swell in his chest, with all of the feelings he still had for him, and all that he wanted to say to him, all the questions he still needed answers to.  All these years, he’d held their relationship in a perfect place there that noone else could touch. It hadn't been the most realistic place, though. He had always wondered if it was the same for Ennis, and he was overjoyed now to find out that it was. It was like a part of him that was missing all these years had been found, and he was whole again. They’d stayed in touch after they’d come down from Brokeback, and saw each other for the occasional get-together or fishing trip, right up until the time Ennis suddenly announced his engagement to a former girlfriend, Alma Beers.

 

* * *

 

They'd had a mild argument that had cooled down quickly during Jack's visit; Jack tossing a half-hearted accusation at Ennis as to why he hadn't said anything sooner and who was to blame for the lost time, but it was mostly from frustration with all the time wasted, and the impatience from the wanting to make it all up.  The road to starting over would naturally be a bit of a rocky one, and so they let the moment pass, neither wanting to disturb the fragility of what they had just found again, and that was the important thing, to move forward and not dwell on past mistakes.

"Which is worse, Jack?  Lovin’ someone ‘n not tellin’ ‘em, or tellin’ ‘em ‘n not meanin’ it?" Jack had cried, and Ennis was silent, knowing he was right.

"I did mean it, with you." Ennis said.  "An' I shoulda told ya."


	5. Out of the Blue

Back At Jack's Home in Montana - Tinman's Rusty Old Heart  
  
Ennis looked up a the mantel over the stone fireplace; photos of Jack with a smiling blond man, bright, clear skies, arm-in-arm at the top of a snowy mountain in ski jackets and wrap-around sunglasses, and another one of them in a foreign country.  England or Scotland, from the looks of it.  A crumbled stone structure or castle ruins.  From another season, warmer weather, in hiking gear.   It was almost as if he could see his youth before him, his past with Jack, or what could have been his past with Jack, in the photos.  He didn't say anything.  Maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all, this reconnecting with Jack.   It was a little daunting for this rusty old heart.  
  
Jack noticed. "That one was taken at Dòmhnall Castle."  he said.  "Don't misunderstand, Ennis. We're not together anymore.  But we lived together at one time.  He was a good friend, is still a good friend. Some good memories, but I should probably put them away now."  
  
Ennis didn't need any explanations, and Jack didn't elaborate further. He hadn't expected that Jack would have been celibate all those years, but seeing it for himself was another story entirely. He didn't need to know anything else.  
  
Ennis wondered about how Jack had responded when he'd received his e-mail, out of the blue like that, after so many years.   So he'd asked him.  
  
"I didn't know what to think at first, but I was happy you did."  
   
The truth was the message had blindsided him, and Jack's heart had nearly skipped a beat when he'd received it.  It had come as a complete surprise after his own message had gone unanswered for so long, and a little confusing, to know that Ennis still remembered and maybe, still cared. He'd thought he was the only one who did.   And ultimately, he'd been glad.  
  
"Jack, you don't know how sorry I am for everything. . .for the way I was to ya.  Aww hell, Jack, maybe this wasn't a good idea, maybe I shouldnt'a contacted ya. . ."  Ennis said, the words tumbling out of him.  
  
"No, Ennis. . ." Jack gently stopped him, laughing.  "I'm glad you did."  
  
"Do you ever think about what it might have been like if we'd stayed together after Brokeback?" Ennis asked.   Ennis had, always.  
  
"I used to.  But not now." Jack said, sitting down next to Ennis and patting his knee. "Who knows what might have happened then, this thing might have come and gone. But now, we have somethin' to look forward to. At least I think we do." he said, looking up at Ennis.  
  
Ennis smiled too. "Why don't we go somewhere together again. Let's see where this goes."

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted for the 2011 Valentine's Day _Secret Crush_ Challenge, and the 2012 Valentine's Day _Love Letters_ Challenge.
> 
> Disclaimer: Brokeback Mountain characters and any story references belong to Annie Proulx and/or Focus Features.


End file.
